Bad Habits, or Get Back: Ban’s Dignity
by AbstractConcept
Summary: Ban is having a very bad day. Luckily, he doesn't have to give EVERYTHING up. Ban x Ginji. Humor.


**TITLE**: Bad Habits, or Get Back: Ban's Dignity  
**PAIRING: **Ban/Ginji  
**RATING**: PG-13  
**AUTHOR: **AbstractConcept (aka theconcept)  
**DISCLAIMER**: Belongs to Team GetBackers, Rando Ayamine and Yuya Aoki, etc.  
**NOTES: **Humour/Romance (gasp! You mean a GB that isn't dark? Yeah, yeah.) With thanks to everyone who reviewed "His Own Eyes." You've seen my angst, now what do you think of my incredibly corny humour?  
**BETA**: The Destined Detefabula, and all further mistakes are mine.  
**SUMMARY**: Poor Ban is having a very bad day.

**Bad Habits, or Get Back: Ban's Dignity**

"Ban-chaaaaaan, you _promised,_" Ginji said in something close enough to a whine to raise Ban's hackles.

Ban took a deep, calming breath. "I wasn't going to _smoke _it, I was just _looking _at it," he growled, stuffing the cigarette back in its pack.

Ginji beamed.

Natsumi blinked at them and set a cup of coffee in front of Ban. "Ban-san, did you give up smoking?" she asked in an awed tone. "Oh! How good for you! Master, can we give them a little extra food today? Ban-san should get a reward, and besides, it helps to have something to eat, right?"

Paul merely grumbled something about tabs and limits and losers.

Ban scowled at Natsumi. "You're trying to make me fat, aren't you?" he accused. Natsumi and Ginji shared a confused look. "You know that's what's going to happen, don't you?" Ban demanded, looking at Ginji. "People who quit smoking get fat. Fact of life."

Ginji grinned. "But that won't happen to _you_, Ban-chan! We get lots of exercise! Besides, we can hardly ever afford meals."

Ban pinned him with a dirty look. "Are you saying I don't bring in enough money? Because _you're _the one that always screws things up! I don't—"

"No, no, Ban-chan!" Ginji denied vigorously. "I never said that! I meant—"

"Jeez, Ban; you really need to learn how to relax," Paul remarked.

Natsumi slipped away from the commotion. "Ban-san seems upset today," she remarked quietly.

Paul grinned, flipping through his paper. "Ban-san is going to be an incredibly large…brat…for a while," he responded. "Giving up smoking is not easy."

"Then why is he doing it?"

Paul glanced up at the blond still arguing energetically, his big eyes earnest. "Well, because Ban got a cough, and they ended up at the hospital, and someone made the mistake of showing Ginji some pictures of what your insides look like when you smoke."

"What _do _they look like?" Natsumi asked curiously.

"Not pretty," Paul admitted. "And there are all sorts of diseases and things that come from smoking, like cancer. You can just imagine how Ginji acted when he realized what Ban was doing to himself. He waged an all-out war against smoking—and by showing Ban exactly how much money they spent each year on cigarettes, he convinced him to try giving them up."

The door jingled as it opened, and a typically under-clothed Hevn sauntered in. "Hello boys, happy to see me?" she asked the duo as she snapped her cell phone shut.

"Sure, Hevn!" Ginji responded cheerfully.

"Unless you've come to grovel for all the times you've gotten us in over our heads on assignments, and maybe make restitution, no, we're _not_," Ban growled in reply, clasping his special mug with both hands, drinking deeply, and eyeing the Negotiator suspiciously over the rim.

"Well!" Hevn responded in a half annoyed, half affronted tone. "Then I'll just have to pay Shido a call and have him handle this next assignment."

Ban's lip lifted contemptuously, but Ginji put a hand on his arm. "No—wait. What job?" he said, adding to his partner, "It couldn't hurt to hear her out, right? And we really do need the work."

Hevn yanked a slim tube from that marvellous carry-all—the sheath of her breasts—and unrolled it. She set the paper on the counter, smoothing it out. "This is what the client needs you to retrieve," she told them triumphantly.

"Ooooh, shiny," Ginji remarked, tilting his head to get a better look at the picture.

Ban thwapped him on the side of the head with his knuckles. "Who's paying, how much, and what the hell is it?" he demanded.

Hevn arched a brow. "I can't tell you, nearly half a million yen, and it's known as the magnificent Ghost Stone."

"Ghost Stone?" repeated Ginji. "Is it haunted?"

"Don't be stupid; that's just a name," Ban informed him. "It's called that because it supposedly glows with a soft, ethereal light, a light of no known origin. They had it on display at the Kyoto National Museum recently." Ban and Ginji turned to look at each other thoughtfully. "Oh, all _right,_" Ban sighed. "We'll take the job."

OoOoOoOoO

"Dammit!" Ban did a little dance, trying to see what he'd stepped in. "Ginji! More light!"

The underground tunnel brightened. "But Ban-chan," Ginji said in a worried voice, "We've been walking forever, and I can't keep this up the whole time. I'm getting tired, and I can tell there's nothing down here that I can draw energy from."

"Shut up, stupid, it's only been an hour or so," Ban muttered, scraping his shoe against the wall. "This is guano. Guano, Ginji! Do you know what guano is? It's bat shit! We should have let Shido have this moronic job."

"Yeah, but it's been pretty easy, so far," Ginji pointed out. "No one's attacked us, and nothing's happened except it's all dark and scary and you stepped in bat poop. I don't like being under the weird old temple, though," he admitted. "It's so eerie down here."

Ban sighed. "I really, _really _need a cigarette."

"But Ban-chan! They make you cough and hurt inside! They'll make things grow inside of you and make you sick and then what would I do without my Baaaaan-chan?" Ginji whimpered, throwing his arms around Ban's neck.

"OW! Get off me, you electric eel! How can you forget that you're the only thing lighting this place up? And HOW could you forget that when you're being the damn light, you can't go throwing yourself on me?"

Ginji looked sheepish, but still smiled up at Ban. "Sorry," he said. "I can't help it. It's really creepy down here. Do you think there are ghosts?"

They continued walking down the passage, Ginji's light getting dimmer with every step. "Don't be an idiot," Ban said dismissively. "The only ghost down here is that jewel, and I'm going to get it. And then we'll be half a million richer when we wake up tomorrow." His face took on that familiar greedy look as his eyes focused on some fantasy. "What all will we spend it on? The car needs an oil change…"

"Food," said Ginji. "And maybe we could give some to pay off our tab, so Paul will let us have more food."

"Food," sniffed Ban. "That's all you ever think about."

"That's not true…Ban-chan, are you _sure _there aren't any ghosts down here?" Ginji asked, turning his huge, apprehensive eyes to his friend.

"Stop being stupid!"

"But…only…I feel like someone's watching us, that's all," Ginji fretted.

"No one's watching us; that's just your imagination, and now you're getting crazy as well as stupid." Ginji's light was almost gone, and they could barely make one another out in the gloom.

"Now, that wasn't a very nice thing to say. Ginji-kun is very sensitive, and you might hurt his feelings," a new voice observed amiably.

"AUGH! GHOST! BAN-CHAN!" Ginji screamed. His fear was enough to boost his electric powers, and the tunnel was enveloped in a bright flash.

The light lasted just long enough to illuminate their companion's pleasantly smiling face.

"AUGH! AKABANE! BAN-CHAN!" Ginji screamed, throwing himself in Ban's general direction, as they were plunged into darkness once more.

"Oomph! Ginji!" Ban snarled. "Will you watch it? I'm not a damn mountain; stop climbing all over me!"

"How can I watch it when there's no light?" Ginji responded, still clinging to Ban like a limpet. For all his harsh words, one of Ban's arms had protectively wrapped itself around Ginji, and he was straining to see through the darkness.

"What the hell are you doing here, Akabane?" he demanded. There was an edge in his voice; he couldn't use the Jagan if he couldn't see his opponent, and he knew it. Worse, he couldn't use his powerful grip or formidable punch if he couldn't get a hold of his opponent, and he knew that, too.

"Oh, when Hevn told me where you were, I hastened to join the fun," the man purred. From the sound of things, he hadn't moved from the place he'd been when Ginji's power had died.

"Oh, Hevn sent you to help us?" Ginji replied weakly. "But…we don't really need your help, thanks."

"I know the way to the Ghost Stone," Akabane told them. "Isn't that the item you're after? On the other hand, I could leave you, here in the dark, amongst the many winding passages…"

Ginji gulped audibly, and Ban raised a hand to ruffle his partner's hair. They didn't have much of a choice. Akabane by their side was better than Akabane somewhere out there in the dark, although not by much. He hoped to keep the psycho bastard within hearing distance, at least. "All right. You lead the way," Ban said. "Ginji, you stay behind me."

"Very _good_," Akabane replied. Ban could hear the smile in his voice.

He led them down twisty tunnels, through narrow passageways, his dry voice smooth and satisfied and very, very menacing. "…and of course, the temple hasn't been used for centuries—not for religious purposes, at any rate," the man was saying at one point. "Although, I suppose there's every chance at achieving a bit of a blood sacrifice beneath its hallowed shrine, hmm?"

"Shut up, Akabane," Ban said with exasperation.

There was a long, cool moment of silence, and then an arid little chuckle. "Always so bold," the transporter commented. "And yet, you're always so shy…with me."

Ban felt a gloved fingertip trace his jaw in the tenebrous gloom. He froze, not wanting to upset Ginji. "I really don't need your crap right now," he grated.

"I don't think you comprehend how much fun we could have together," Akabane replied, his voice sweet, yet sharp. "Imagine what a pair we'd make, if you'd only be serious. Come, Midou Ban, don't you want to take a tumble with me? How you would enjoy my thrust—"

Ban jerked his head away. "You're absolutely right. You really need to get laid. I think it would take the edge off, you know? Someone needs to fuck you so hard you can't walk straight for a week. But I'm not your man. Got it? So if you want it, you feel free to go off on your own—and _get fucked, _Akabane"

There was no noise except for a crackle of frightened voltage from Ginji. Ban could almost _hear _his partner turning about twelve horrified shades of pink. Ban didn't care. Pink was a good colour on Ginji. "_Ban-chan,_" he heard the boy whisper.

Akabane chuckled again. "My, you outdo yourself today, don't you?"

"I quit smoking," Ban told him through gritted teeth.

"Really?" Ban could hear the frown. "That is somewhat distracting for you, isn't it?"

"IT'S A BIG FUCKING PAIN IN MY ASS!" Ban bellowed, wishing he knew exactly where Akabane was so he could tear him to shreds. It was one thing to try to instigate a fight, but to taunt a man about his cigarettes—or lack thereof—was unforgivable. Akabane clearly had no honour.

Dr. Jackal sighed. "What a pity…well, another day, then." He paused. "In the room to your left, there is a generator. The men who stole the gem use it for lighting the passages. I suggest we start it up. The darkness is a lovely shade of poetry, but at the moment I'd enjoy seeing my two…_partners._"

Grumbling, Ban felt his way into the small cavern/room. There was indeed a generator, and after a few moments of feeling about, they found the switch.

"I've got it!" Ginji announced victoriously, his voice scintillating with pride.

Ban gave him a rare, unseen smile, and squeezed Ginji's arm. "That's my boy. Go on, start it up." There was a sluggish drone as the machine tried to start, before it coughed and died. "Try it again," Ban commanded, his brow wrinkling. It wouldn't turn over. "Great. Just great! Now what?"

"I humbly suggest that, as the switch is thrown, Ginji-kun make use of his remarkable electrical properties, and attempt to jolt the machine. Perhaps it will be enough for the generator to 'catch,'" Akabane proposed.

"But I'm _tired_," Ginji said.

"Stop whining!" Ban ordered. "What are you, a professional, or a little kid?"

"Okay," Ginji sighed. He planted his hands on the generator, and Ban stepped back to give him room. Ginji's hands twinkled a little, flickered, and fizzled with a hiss. "I just can't do it. I'm really sorry."

"Mmm. I'm sure you tried your very, _very _hardest, Ginji-kun," Akabane said seriously, his voice far too near Ginji for Ban's liking.

"Yeee-eeah," Ginji replied slowly, his voice uncertain.

"It's a pity, you know; I've often heard of how young men in the forest rub objects together to get sparks, but I've never understood how to do it. Still, an experiment might—"

Ban gritted his teeth together and shoved Akabane away. "Ginji, damn you! You can do it! You know you can do it! _I _know you can do it! Just give it some juice!"

"Aw…I'll try again, Ban-chan." Ginji grabbed the machine again, and tried to put some effort into it. Ban could tell he was really trying, because in the dim light that was produced, he could see the sweat beading on Ginji's forehead, before the room went black again.

Ban thumped him on the head. "Try harder!" he snapped. This yielded absolutely no results.

"Ah, Ban…you simply don't understand poor Ginji's needs," Akabane remarked. "Try once more, Ginji-kun. Just once."

With a frustrated whimper, Ginji leaned over the generator again. There was a moment of silence then—

"WAAAH!" Ginji squawked. With a clunk, a grinding noise, and a hum, the generator turned over, and the room was abruptly lit by the small, naked bulb set in the ceiling.

Ban saw Akabane snatch his hand away from Ginji. Or was it his imagination? "What happened?" he asked.

Ginji was suddenly all over him, fists buried in Ban's shirt. "Akabane! Went and stuck his hand—went and put his hand—went and grabbed my—and—and then he _squeezed!_" Ginji yelped, his face flaming.

"WHAT?" Ban tried to dislodge the squirming Ginji so he could murder Akabane.

The man merely gave him a charming smile. "I merely found Ginji-kun's 'switch,'" he responded blithely.

"WHAT?" Ban repeated.

"Oh, dear. It looks as though we have company."

As though the lights were a signal, a crowd of men blocked the doorway. They were muscled and tall, lantern-jawed, and looming. Ban thought he'd never seen anything so lovely in his life. "SNAKE BITE!" he roared, disentangling himself from Ginji and launching himself at them. "AND YOU! AND A _SNAKE BITE_ FOR YOU, TOO!"

In a matter of minutes, the men were scattered on the ground, moaning. Akabane's visage was a blend of disappointment and slight surprise. "That was hardly nice, Ban," he noted. "Did no one ever teach you to share?"

Ban rounded on him furiously. "I'll tell you what I _DON'T _share!" he snapped, prodding the man in the chest with a finger. "I don't share jobs! I don't share money! I don't share the car! I _don't share boku no Ginji_!"

"Ban-chan!" Ginji gasped. The brilliant smile Ginji gave him put every form of artificial light to shame.

Ban couldn't fathom why Ginji was so absolutely delighted. He shook himself a little. Akabane was staring at him, unimpressed. "Right. So. Yeah. So long as we're clear on that, let's go retrieve the stone," he said.

"Very well," Akabane replied, sauntering out the door. Ban scowled.

"You know, it's hard to take you seriously as a portent of death when you swing your hips like a model on a catwalk," he muttered. Akabane flashed him a look that was mostly blank, but his eyes seethed. Ban grinned. He'd finally scored a point tonight.

By the time they located the gem, Ban was even feeling generous enough to let Ginji be the one to grab it, while Akabane stood nearby and sulked. It was hard to tell he was sulking, of course, but he wasn't wearing his usual smug little smile.

"Gosh, Ban-chan…it's so _pretty,_" Ginji said, cradling it carefully in his palms. As he stared at it, wide eyed, it glimmered with mysterious radiance.

Ban couldn't hold back a crooked grin. "Yeah…magnificent," he grunted. On impulse, he leaned over and pressed his lips to Ginji's.

With a loud cracking noise, there was a sudden burst of dazzling light, as Ginji tried to ground himself.

"Oops."

OoOoOoOoO

"I can't believe you _broke _the magnificent Ghost Stone," Ban moaned, his head hanging over his cup of coffee.

"I didn't _mean _to!" Ginji wailed in protest. "It must've been sensitive to electricity, or something!"

Ban let his face fall into his palm. "And not one yen in payment," he went on. "Ungh. I need some air." Ban got up and left the Honky Tonk, shoulders slumped in defeat.

"Go after him!" Natsumi urged Ginji. Ginji looked rather doubtful. "You really should; you're the only one who can cheer him up when he's like this."

Ginji's face brightened. "Okay. Thanks, Natsumi." He hurried after Ban. "Wait!" he said, grabbing at Ban's elbow. "I swear I didn't mean to—it was just so much, and I was really surprised, and you saved me from Akabane and you called me your Ginji and you kissed me!"

Ban opened his mouth to deny everything, fast and furious, but then he remembered poking Akabane in the chest, screaming, _I don't share jobs! I don't share money! I don't share the car! I don't share my Ginji! _Ban swallowed. "Damn it, I really, really need a cigarette," he muttered, feeling for his pack.

Ginji's hand covered his own, stilling it. "No, you don't," he said. He tilted Ban's head down with his other hand, pressing their mouths together softly. "We just have to keep your mouth occupied until the craving goes away, that's all." He kissed Ban again, more insistently.

Ban moaned quietly. "I'm just going to end up with a whole new set of addictions, if this keeps up."

"Mmm. But healthier," Ginji pointed out with a gasp. His hands drifted up into Ban's hair, holding Ban's head in place.

Ban's grip tightened around Ginji's waist, and he enjoyed the shocked little moan Ginji made when Ban sucked gently on his tongue. Finally, Ban broke away long enough to give his partner a wicked leer. "Come on. Let's go find some place private, and you can be my new oral fixation," he suggested.

Ginji grinned goofily, and turned twelve shades of pink.

OoOoOoOoO

Ban leaned back in the booth, sighing contentedly. Ginji was dozing beside him, his head resting on the table.

"Here's your coffee!" Natsumi said brightly, setting Ban's favourite mug in front of him.

Ban inhaled deeply, then took a sip. "Ah, just the way I like it."

"Wow, you're sure in a good mood today!" Natsumi remarked. "But what's wrong with poor Ginji?"

Ban flicked a glance and a smug smirk at his catnapping colleague. "I must've kept him _up _too late last night," he purred.

There was a crash from behind the counter as Paul dropped a cup with uncharacteristic clumsiness. He proceeded to swear fluently. "Damn worthless thing!"

"Hey! You're defiling Natsumi's delicate ears!" Ban told him with malicious joy.

"To hell with Natsumi's ears!" yelled Paul. "I've got coffee all over my shoes! Do you know how bad this stuff stains? Natsumi…come on. Just _one_?" he whined.

"No, master!" Natsumi said. "They're not good for you!" Paul looked sour. "I convinced him to give up smoking," she explained to Ban.

Paul balled his newspaper up and threw it away. "Not one word, Ban. Not one word!" he said.

Ban just grinned, slouching bonelessly in his seat. "Jeez, Paul. You really need to learn how to relax."


End file.
